


The Rat King

by MovesLikeBucky



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley taking down the phone networks, Deleted scene: BT Tower, Gen, POV Outsider, and the rat is technically Sev, but the outsider is a rat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:01:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24370996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MovesLikeBucky/pseuds/MovesLikeBucky
Summary: The Rat King and their army have been in the service of Red for a very long time; this is just another night of business as usual.
Comments: 32
Kudos: 103





	The Rat King

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goosewriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goosewriting/gifts).



> SEV!!! Happy Birthday! I made you king of the Rats! xD
> 
> I hope you like this very stupid thing that came to me in a haze after work on Saturday.

[An attempt has been made to translate the language of rats into English. Unfortunately, our translators are ill-equipped for this, as no one has found a solid translation for ratspeak. We have the approximation that was spit out by our machines. It is severely inaccurate in true wordage, but the gist of the emotions can still be felt accordingly. The Rat King, as the loudest rat, has been denoted in  **_italics and bold_ ** while the rest of the rat army have been denoted with just  _ italics _ . We apologize for the inconvenience.]

**_HHHRRRRREEEEEEE!_** The Rat King screeches, gazing out over their domain. This domain currently consists of a bunch of electronic panels, wires, and blinking lights. They don’t know why they were called here, only that they were. When Red calls, they answer. And thus, so does the family.

They survey the area, from their perch atop the highest tower of blinking lights. They could see the whole of London if they looked out the window; but what use is that to a rat?

_ Asjfksdjfjslkdfajfkljsdflaksjdfklksdjfjfkljafsdljf _ , their charges skitter about. Doing their civic duty, chewing through wires, making nuisances of themselves. When Red called them, they asked  **_DFSFKDJFKLSDJF SCREEEEEEEEE HRHHRNNNNNRHHNN?_ ** **.**

“As long as it takes, and as many as it takes. I need the tower cleared, you’re the best men for the job.”

**_HEHHEHHOOOHEEEERRRRRRRRRHRNN_ **

“Yes, right, and ladies. And otherwise as well, of course, obviously.”

The Rat King had nodded their little rat head and scampered off on their little rat feet to find the rest of their little rat army. The troops thus rallied, they descended on BT Tower, hub of most mobile network activity in London proper.

It had been a slow plan. An attack on two fronts. Some came up through the water system, trailing pipes and finding holes in the wall just big enough to squeeze through. Others, the Special Ops of the Rat Army, so to speak, had snuck in when doors opened. When deliveries came to the loading docks, the best rats snuck in. When the receptionist snuck out for a smoke break and left the door propped, even more. Before they knew what hit them, before they ever had that chance to go on the offensive, the battle plan was put into action.

Rats. Rats to be covering every surface.

They skittered through the walls, around people’s feet. The Rat King themselves claimed a mighty prize in the form of a tuna salad sandwich. It wasn’t long, maybe a week, before humans avoided the top floor entirely. 

All according to the army’s ineffable plan.

The Rat King stands post right there by the lift, on top of the reception desk, waiting for Red’s arrival. Ready to assure him it’s all going to plan. This is why Red likes them so much. Anyone can be good at a job. The Rat King and their army are _efficient_ 1

The lift dings and Red steps out. The Rat King recognizes the jacket immediately; stories have been passed down through their lineage for generations of the Cloak of Mischief. The Rat King’s own ancestors had bore witness to said mischief while aiding in computer hacks in the 1970s.

Red extends a hand and The Rat King scampers up his arm. Recounting the deeds of the day.

**_HRHHHRHHRKKRKKRKKK AJDKFJSLDF HRRNNGNNNNN_ **

“A tuna salad sandwich? How amazing for you, well done!”

**_GUUGUUUUGGGGGRRRGGGGG_ **

Red smiles wide at the sight in the room full of blinking lights as he sets his thermos down on the edge of one of the humming machines. The Rat King scampers back down before he unscrews the cap and pours himself some tea.

“Beautiful job! Thank you all so much, men!”

_ Asjsdkfjasdfsklfjelkfe jafklsdj%*&#*(($**fjdfjsljflsd jfasf28983 _

**_ASDFASFJFKHHHHHHHRRUURUURURGUG_ **

“And, yes, obviously, ladies too, and otherwise. Nice job! You can all go home. And, yeah, stay cool!”

The majority of the troops filter out, but this is what The Rat King waits for. It’s their prerogative, the front row seat to the chaos. Red surveys the room around him before opening a panel on the nearest beeping machine.

He raises the cup in toast and winks at The Rat King before pouring the liquid directly into the machine. It sparks and whirrs and makes an entire host of ungodly noises that were never meant to be heard by little rat ears.

He cackles as the sparks fly, obviously proud of a job well done. The Rat King’s work is done here now, and they scamper back to join their army where they wait - in an alley behind a bookstore - for the next time their services are needed.

1 \- It is unbeknownst to the rats that the reason Red likes them so much is twofold. Efficiency, yes, but you can’t pay the Witchfinders in cheese.

  
  



End file.
